i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
