I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
