Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
my poor anus
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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