dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
