Will you blow on my dice?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
