you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
