She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
