he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
