so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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