I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
