I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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