Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
