it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
