Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
