Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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