my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
