did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
