can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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