I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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