How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
