i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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