apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
