i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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