I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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