How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
