you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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