Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He has the fingertips of a God
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