Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
