if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
