Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
