Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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