i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
