I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
