also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
