John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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