I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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