You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
