I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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