So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize