Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
