it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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