We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
