I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
