The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
the day after is always just damage control
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
