I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
