I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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