it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
