if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
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