I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
