The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
