I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
