ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
