How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
