I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
