The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
