Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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