This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
