I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
