dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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