PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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