The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
