All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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