Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
