I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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