Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
