ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
