Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It's never too late to be topless.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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