my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
