before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
