Please, let me fuck your mom
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
