dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
