the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
