i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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