Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
