The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
