I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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