Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
