After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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