He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
