You smell like stripper and shame
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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