sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
