Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
