Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just want nice things and good sex
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
