You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
