Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
